a set back

I know they come…sometimes at our own bidding and sometimes unexpected.  But I knew this one was coming.  With every bite, every guilty indulgence.  I knew that the pounds would go up.  And sure enough, I stepped on the scale and it was up about two pounds.  I don’t know what happened….oh yes I do…..my self control evaporated.  While we had a good time on Valentines Day….the day actually lasted about four days.  And I consumed chocolate, chocolate, and more chocolate.  Rationalizing the whole time that this would be the last bit.  Yeah right.  Four days later, I am cleaning my conscience along with the cupboard.  I am getting rid of everything that tempts me.  I DO have one bag of baking chocolate on hand just in case I need to bake something for something….yeah, it’s a cop-out, but I don’t get tempted by the baking chocolate at all.  I also kept my hundred calorie snacks and ice cream (which is pre-packaged at 100 calories so I can’t cheat myself).  But that is IT.  No more.  No more candy, cookies, chocolate, chips etc….we are D-O-N-E.  If we would like something like that, then the 100 calorie packs will suffice.  I WILL make this work.  I am SO tired of being overweight.  I am tired of my kids thinking that it is ok….cause mom’s fat so it MUST be ok.  I WILL choose healthier snacks.  I WILL make healthier dinners.  I WILL control portions—for everyone if need be.  I WILL become manic about this.  I am done being fat and unhealthy.  I want to run with my kids and not be out of breath…or if I am it’s because we are having fun…NOT because I am so fat I can’t keep up.  I want more enjoyment out of my life and I know that part of my inhibitions are the fat cells covering the real me.  I will find myself.  I am making a promise, right now, I will start losing the fat that is suffocating the real me.